Dreams, Blessings, Forgiveness

Well folks, it's been a very long time!  Time sure flies doesn't it?
This past week has been one of being terrified, answered prayers, God's grace, and God's blessings, and unimaginable dreams.
First, one of my dearest friends suffer what could have been a fatal heart attack.  I am very happy and pleased to say that God didn't this angle home yet.  He is recuperating well and is slated for a full recovery.  Praise God!!
Second, I have been blessed with having a new friend come into my life.  Someone who appreciates me for who I am, what I stand for, and what I believe in.  Someone who shares many if not most of the same ideals I do.  Someone who genuinely cares about me in a way that no other has done before.  This could be a life changing thing for me.  Only the future will tell.
Thirdly, I've always wondered what our dreams mean and if they really mean anything at all.  I've read that dreams hold the key to things that are on our minds or things that we just can't figure out.  Today I had one of those dreams that brings you out of a complete, restful sleep, holding a pillow and feeling like I was crying.  In the dream two of my aunts who I haven't talked to in a very long time came walking into a house where I was packing to move from.  Why they were there I have no idea.  Neither of them lives anywhere near here so it's highly unlikely they would come walking in.  As a matter fact, they don't even know where I live.  But when I saw the first aunt, all I do was hug her tightly and cry.  This is when I woke up hugging the pillow an:d shaking like I was crying.  Talk about being immediately awake!
So I got up, went straight to the computer and started searching.  I didn't know how to get in touch with this aunt.  But I felt this strong need to find her "right now" and call.  Luckily I was able to find her address and phone number and immediately called her.  She was surprised to hear my voice but very happy to hear from me.  We must have talked for a good hour.  Then she gave me the other aunt's number and I called her.  Again, total surprise to hear from me.  But what an awesome conversation.  Both aunts are doing well, but the second aunt's husband is now suffering from Alzheimers.
I don't know why the need was so great to find them, to get back in touch with them.  But I do strongly believe that God has His reasons I wasn't going to argue.  Maybe I will lose one of them in the near future, maybe not. But I am glad that I am now back in touch with them and don't intend to let us lose track of each other again.  We may live many miles and states apart, but we have telephones.
I guess the point of me sharing this story with you is that I read a blog post tonight from my dear friend Sandie (http://senselessramblingsoftheheart.blogspot.com) that talked about forgiveness.  I know I've harbored in my heart a long time the feeling that I had been abandoned by these women.  That ever since my mom passed away 28 years ago, I felt that they didn't feel that I was part of the family any more.  Oh I'd receive the ritualistic Christmas card with family letter in it, but never any phone calls or letters or cards otherwise.  And heaven forbid that they ever would actually come to visit me.  Not their poor (literally) niece.  I just didn't measure up to the standards they had set.
But that dream made me realize that time is too short to harbor such feelings.  I needed to forgive them for what I thought and felt they had done to me.  They have always been my aunts, are still my aunts, and always be my aunts.  They're family.  I love them.  So today, with just a smidgen of my time, and a couple phone calls, I was able to reconnect with them.  To begin rebuilding relationships.  We may not have 'forever' with each any more as it seemed years ago when I was young.  But we have today and hopefully tomorrow. Tonight I can go back to sleep with a good feeling in my heart.  A sense that I am still part of a family.
So if there's someone you've been harboring resentment towards whether they know it or not, someone who you need to forgive so you can move on, maybe reconnect with, make the effort.  Jesus tells us that the greatest commandment is 'love one another.'  It's just that simple.  LOVE.

If Tomorrow Never Comes

Does the thought ever cross your mind 'what if I never wake up in the morning?'  Sometimes I think about this a lot.  What if...I didn't do everything I was supposed to do?  What if...I left things undone?  What if...I've left things unsaid?  What if...I haven't told the person I love that I love them?

I'm always worried that I haven't told my friends or family enough how much I love them.  What if they don't know how I feel?  What if I haven't shown them how much I love them?  Have I done and said enough?  Will they know?  Will they remember?

Or did I miss the chance?  Did I let time go by just assuming they knew?    Did I take them for granted?  Did I take the opportunity when it was given to me?  Did I love all I could love?  Did I give all I could give?  Did I take the chance or miss the dance for fear of the pain that could come?
  
I don't want to have regrets.  I don't want my love questioned.  I don't want to leave this world with you wondering?  I want you to know, I love you.  I love you.  I love you.  Forever and ever I will always love you.  You mean more to me than words can say.  I love you.

Hope or Let Go?

 Today I read a story about a young doctor, still in his internship, who had to confront this question in a very traumatic way.  He was part of a team that worked on a man who had been burned over 90% of his body in an explosion.  The man was going to die.  His wife and child were waiting outside.  The man is in considerable pain, obviously.  He is being given oxygen from a mask over his  mouth and nose.  He is barely audible.  The lead doctor says it's time to intubate.  But the young doctor knows if the man is sedated in order for them to do this that he'll never get to tell his wife and child that he loves them and they won't get to say goodbye to him.  The lead doctor decides intubation is what they're doing and then he goes out and talks to the family after it's done.  He brings the wife in and she sits beside her husband, holds his hand, and hopes for the best.  The young doctor struggles with this decision, even though it wasn't his to make.  Which is better, to give hope or to let go?

There are a lot of things in life that give us this option.  We can have hope that we'll get that job we want or we can let go of the worry and just see what happens.  We can have hope that the cute guy across the room will ask us to dance or we can let go knowing that there's no way he's ever gonna do that (high school days, remember girls?)  We can have hope that we pass that test, or let go of the fear and just do the best we are capable of.  We can have hope that the car makes it to the gas station before we run out of gas or we can let go of the worry and just coast on in. We can have hope that our children will grow up to be wonderful people who do all the right thing, get the great grades, etc. or we can let go and accept them for whoever they become.

To me there are three 'hope or let go' situations that seem the hardest to me.

#1  There is the hope that a friend or loved one will survive a surgery or beat a terrible disease. Or should we let go of that person and let them go to Jesus in peace because logically we know that there is no hope even though our hearts want to hope and believe in a miracle.

#2  There is the hope that the man or woman we have fallen in love with will return that love in the same way.  That if they will love us as much as we love them then we can have this beautiful, forever relationship with each other.  Or should we let go?  Maybe logically we know that this isn't possible.  Perhaps this is the best, closest relationship we've ever had and we need to let go of this hope so as not to ruin what we already have.

#3  There is the hope that God is watching over us no matter what we do.  The hope that Jesus loves us through thick and thin.  That He will never give up on us.  That He will provide for us.  That we will go to heaven when Jesus returns.  Or do we let go, just assume that all the above is automatically going to happen because Jesus gave his life for us up on that cross and forgave all our sins?  Do we let go and just live our lives anyway we want, right or wrong, and just assume that we are forgiven and yes, we'll go to heaven because of this?  

There is a big flaw in the thinking of #3.  Yes, it is true that God is always watching over us, that Jesus loves us unconditionally and will never give up on us, and that he died on that cross for our sins.  BUT, that's all good and fine until we just ASSUME.  Jesus tells us that we must repent.  We must ask for forgiveness.  We must try to live our lives by the examples Jesus taught us.  NO, we cannot just go out and do whatever we want, live anyway we feel like it, and expect to get into heaven.  Jesus knows that we will make mistakes.  But to out right ignore his teachings is completely idiotic.  If this is the way you choose to live then you are letting Satan rule your life.  Satan is the one telling you it's ok to do whatever you want.  "Go ahead," he says, "do whatever you want, God doesn't care, Jesus already died for you."  And if you fall victim to this vicious lie then you are going to regret it.  

Jesus did die on that cross for you and your sins.  But he didn't do it in vane.  There are expectations.  Expectations that you will follow the instructions given to you in the Bible.  He didn't walk around on this earth preaching and telling his parables for nothing.  He did it to teach us and to help us understand what it means to be a Christian and what is means to go out and make disciples of the world.  

I'm sure Mary Magdalene, his mother Mary, the disciples, and many others hoped that he would save himself from this cruel torture and death.  But that was not the plan the Father had in mind.  He suffered, and suffered greatly for us.  He sacrificed himself for us.  He was not a martyr.  He was and is our guide.  Our guide to the promised land, to join him in heaven with the Father.  

As for the other situations, that's your call.  Discern the situation at hand, and make the best decision you can. And if you ask, Jesus will help you find the right answer.

Carpe Diem

Carpe Diem -- seize the day.

What more can you say, right?  Well, actually a lot.  Live every day as if it were your last and then some day you'll be right.  ~H.H. "Breaker" Morant   Every man dies.  Not every man really lives.  ~Braveheart  Dream as if you'll live forever.  Live as if you'll die today.  ~James Dean  Life is not lost by dying; life is lost minute by minute, day by dragging day, in all the thousand small uncaring ways.  ~Stephen Vincent Benét  And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count.  It's the life in your years.  ~Abraham Lincoln  Never forget that you must die; that death will come sooner than you expect... God has written the letters of death upon your hands.  In the inside of your hands you will see the letters M.M.  It means "Memento Mori" - remember you must die.  ~J. Furniss, Tracts for Spiritual Reading  Fear not that life shall come to an end, but rather fear that it shall never have a beginning.  ~John Henry Cardinal Newman  Most of us spend our lives as if we had another one in the bank.  ~Ben Irwin  Every day is an opportunity to make a new happy ending.  ~Author Unknown  


Why did I post all these quotes?  Because they're just damn good that's why!  But seriously, how much time do we truly waste worrying about work, chores, problems, etc or are always in a rush to somewhere, instead of living each day as if it were our last or someone elses?  We try to cram so much into each hour, day, week, month, year; that we forget what living is really all about.  I want to share a poem with you by Linda Ellis (Copyright 1996).  It has passed through my email box several times of the years, but is certainly worth every day:

The Dashcopyright 1996 Linda Ellis

I read of a man who stood to speak
at the funeral of a friend.
He referred to the dates on her tombstone
from the beginning…to the end.

He noted that first came the date of her birth
and spoke of the following date with tears,
but he said what mattered most of all
was the dash between those years.

For that dash represents all the time
that she spent alive on earth
and now only those who loved her
know what that little line is worth.

For it matters not, how much we own;
the cars, the house, the cash.
What matters is how we live…and love
and how we spend our dash.

So think about this long and hard.
Are there things you’d like to change?
For you never know how much time is left
that can still be rearranged.

If we could just slow down enough
to consider what’s true and real,
and always try to understand
the way other people feel.

And be less quick to anger
and show appreciation more,
and love the people in our lives
like we’ve never loved before.

If we treat each other with respect
and more often wear a smile,
remembering that this special dash
might only last a little while.

So…when your eulogy is being read,
with your life’s actions to rehash,
would you be proud of the things they say
about how you spent YOUR dash?

~Linda Ellis
Copyright 1996

All I really need to say here is, don't let life pass you by.  Don't dismiss loved ones or friends and just expect them to be here tomorrow.  Never go to bed angry at your spouse or significant other, or your children.  Love like you've never been loved and give of your heart freely.  You have nothing lose yet everything to gain.

Tonight I have friends mourning loved ones.  Our nation is mourning the loss of Caylee Marie Anthony.  And families I don't know are mourning the loss of their sons and daughters to war.  Please.............live, give, love unconditionally.  It's not that hard.  And if it is hard, it's totally worth it.

Update to last night's post

from Rev. Bill McBride:  Being on a trial court (jury) puts one in the position of being a judge of one's colleague in ministry. Everyone involved in the trial proceedings were United Methodist Clergy, excepting the attorneys advising the sides. Here I was, in 11 total hours of deliberations with the task of assessing, deciding and measuring out a penalty for a fellow clergy. What I want you to know is just like in our church setting in Lake Mills, I approached this task with prayer, scripture study, and deep humility. 
Not one of the 13 jurors and 2 alternates asked to be there. Yet we all took our work seriously, with great prayer and trusted that God would guide us to a decision that would be fair and just and seek always to build up Amy, renew the church and provide a way for growth and health for all involved. For me, our goal was not punishment but restoration and renewal.

Yet inspite of our hopes and prayers we understood that the final outcome of our verdict and the consequences we placed on Amy would be totally up to her AND the people we invited and brought into the collaborative process with her. We knew what we had to do and we understood that the media may spin it one way and those who disagreed with us would spin it some other way. But when you know what you have to do is the way God is leading you to go you must keeping moving in that direction no matter what the costs or the consequences.


You can find Rev. Bill McBride's blog at:  http://www.lakemillsgrow.blogspot.com/

Blessings.

Love

My thoughts are very scattered tonight.  Too much on my mind.  

There's been a lot about love going on this week.  In the United Methodist Church conference of Wisconsin there was a trail of Rev. Amy Delong.  I suppose your first question would be why was she on trial?  The charges were 1) being a self-proclaimed lesbian in a committed relationship and 2) performing a Holy Union between a lesbian couple.  In the UMC, both of these are against the Book of Discipline.  So now I suppose your next question would be why is she on trial, why didn't they just defrock her and it would be all over with?  Well, even in religious denominations there are rules and guidelines that must be followed.  

What I found interesting is that Amy's slogan for all of this was "Love On Trial."  I don't think love was on trial here.  What was on trial were her actions.  They found her not guilty of being a lesbian in a committed relationship.  But she was found guilty of performing a Holy Union between two lesbians.  Does that mean love was on trial?  

The whole gay/lesbian movement is quickly moving forward in all denominations.  It's hard.  People are very much divided on the subject and tempers quickly get fired up.  Before you know it everyone is a victim, it 'their' fault, 'they' did it.  It makes me sad to see the church lowering itself to the level of most of our society today.  Since when do we blame everyone else?  Since when were we given the right to judge?  Last time I checked God was and is the only judge.  

As a good friend of mine said, I don't take sides.  I show love and grace to everyone regardless of sexual orientation, color, creed, or background.  This is what Jesus tells me to do and who am I to argue.  I am trying to understand why people say a Holy Union between two gay people is a threat to them.  What is threatening about it?  What exactly is it going to do to your marriage?  I just don't understand.  If someone can help me on this I welcome your opinion.  

So my other thing tonight is thinking about how we use the word the love.  We use it an awful lot these days.  We seem to love everything but each other.  We love songs, games, food, etc but is true love a thing of the past?  I have seen true love.  It was in the eyes and hearts of my parents.  I've never been lucky enough to have that experience with someone.  Right now I sort of have it with my best friend, friend being the key word here.  Would I like it to be more?  Do I want that chance of forever love?  Yes.  Will it happen?  I don't know.  It's complicated.  But I am willing to stick it out and see what happens.  If we remain the close friends that we are now and never take it any further I can live with that.  How you say?  Because I know how much he loves me and I love him.  Nothing is going to change that.  Would life be different if things do progress?  Yes.  I know in my heart that it would be the most incredible relationship ever.  It would last an eternity.  But time will tell.  It will or won't happen in God's time.  

Is this how pastor Amy feels about her partner?  If that's the kind of love they have then I say more power to them.  Love that lasts an eternity is very hard to come by on this earth.  We have it in Jesus, but as humans we long for that human element.  We long for that intimate touch and those soft words "I love you."  

If you are lucky enough find love for eternity, hold on to it.  Don't do anything to screw it up.  Never let it go at any cost.  Love feels good but love also hurts.  And when it hurts, it hurts terribly.  There are so many of us out there who are hurting because of love.  And it's lonely.  Very lonely.  To love someone and know that same love will never be returned is one of the most painful things you can ever feel.  Death seems like a better alternative.  But it's not so don't go there.  God has a plan for you and your life and maybe it's not what you think it should be, but whatever it is, I truly believe God knows best.  

So if you find that special someone and they return those feelings to you, never stop saying 'I love you."

Did You See God Today?

While on a mission trip, the highlight of every evening for me was when each work group had tell how they God that day.  I've never forgotten that.  When you have those days where nothing seems to go right, or you're so busy that you can't find two seconds for yourself, those are the days you have to stop and think, "How did I see God today?"

Today it's cloudy, rainy, and cold.  I'm overwhelmed with all the work I have to get done, and I'm missing my friends terribly.  I'm thinking about all the problems each of us is facing and how can we find good outcomes for them.  In my heart I want to find solutions.  I want to solve everything and make everyone happy.  Logically I know this isn't possible.  What I do know for sure is that God has the answers and when he's ready each of us will have the answers we seek.  In the meantime we will keep up the good fight.  We may struggle but we are never alone.

So how did you see God today?  Today I saw God in the dark clouds floating above.  Why, you ask?  Because I believe that God has days when tears fall too.  He sees how sad many of us are.  He sees how many of us are struggling.  We're struggling with our faith and our earthly lives.  This makes God sad.  His plan was for us to have this wonderful life for eternity but it hasn't turned out that way.  So today God had what I call a 'pity party day.'  They don't last long, but long enough for us to get our perspective back.  Long enough for us, not God, to feel sorry for ourselves.  But tomorrow is a new day, a new start.  The sun will come back and so will our hope.

Don't give up when times get hard or the struggle inside just seems like more than you can bare.  Today is a good day for discerning.  For letting those tears fall along with God's.  Give yourself the opportunity to just let those feelings out.  Cry, scream, shout, whatever it takes.  But whatever you do, remember that tomorrow is waiting for you.  And that there is redemption through transformation.

How did you see God today?

Friends

Friends, good friends, the kind that are truly your soul mates are always there for you.  It doesn't matter if you're 5 minutes apart or 5000 miles apart they are there.  That's the kind of night I had tonight.  Being able to pick back up where we left off.  All is good and that makes me happy.  I love my best friend more than life its self, and if our friendship and closeness was every to disappear I would crumble.  It would be the most devastating thing in the world to me.  So thank you for loving me and accepting me for who I am.  Thank you for encouraging me.  And thank you for always, always for being my friend.  "I love you my friend."

Life is full of trials and tribulations.  We never know what's coming our way.  Satan is always trying is best to persuade us to take his direction the more we try to follow Jesus' direction.

 Speaking of direction, the United Methodist Church has sort of gotten on the band wagon with the ELCA of trying to work out the whole gay/lesbian issue.  Not whether it's bad or good, but whether they should allow people to be pastors if the are gay/lesbian and are in a committed relationship.  There's also the issue of whether performing unions is allowable.  So far, if you are gay/lesbian and in a committed relationship then you are not allowed to be a pastor in the UMC.  You are also not allowed to perform unions.  This past week at the WI Annual Conference there was quite a stir of reactions.  More so than last year.  Why?  Because one of their own is on trial this week for both of those things.  She's in a committed homosexual relationship and she performed a union.  The trail began yesterday and today she was found guilty of performing the union but not of being gay and in a committed relationship.  Now this is strange since she has openly admitted to the UMC that she is in a committed relationship.  Tomorrow they will hear testimonies to 'help' the jurors decide what the consequences will be for performing this union.  I for one am very glad that I am not involved in all this squabble.

As we saw at annual conference, the only people acting like adults there were the youth representatives.  They were clear and concise, did not berate others, and were very dignified.  I applaud these young people.  They 'GET IT."  Somewhere along the line the adults, those that are supposed to be the teachers of the young, 'LOST IT."  So much squabbling going on that conference turned into a game of he said/she said along with much finger pointing.  There was also a lot of 'we're the victims here' attitude.  And that was from both sides.  What the heck are we doing here?  Do we actually come to annual conference, 4 days, just to be rude and undignified to each other?  What part of love unconditionally did you all forget?  It's like I don't even want those beautiful youth around the adults any more cause I'm afraid they will turn into the same.

Another question people are asking is why is the UMC losing so many members?  Well it's not just the UMC, every denomination is losing members right and left.  If you ask someone why they'll say things like 'well the economy is really bad and members can't afford to tithe any more so they quit coming and then they drop out" or "we need programs to interest people because the mega churches have so much more going on and to offer" or "people are not interested in church any more."  Well I say, and excuse me, bullshit!  You wanna know why churches are losing members and the interest of the population at large?  It's because we forgot where and what Jesus would be doing.  If Jesus were here today he'd be out in the street, hanging out with the homeless.  He's be in the bar talking to people.  He's be on the park bench just waiting to be asked 'what's this God thing all about."  He's would not be at the Chula Vista, stuck in a hotel room or walking around there making sure everyone is doing and acting like they should because they're UM pastors!

Pastors are supposed to 'get it.' They are supposed to already understand what this is all about.  Like my friend last week found out, ministering on the street is where it's at.  Where else would you have a young man say to you, 'so you believe in God?  Tell me why you believe in God and I'll tell you why I don't."  Wow!!  What an incredible thing to happen.  Did she go looking to preach the word of God that night?  No.  Was she on a mission to save a lost soul that night?  Not particularly.  But that's how it is when you're walking the path of Jesus.  God just drops people like that young man on your doorstep.  My friend also took up the good fight too.  Defending those who needing defending that night.  Not because they were criminals or bad people, but because they were the exact opposite.  How many of those so called pastors hunkered down at the Chula Vista would have the guts to do what she did?  I would guess, if we were lucky, maybe a handful.  How sad.  How very sad.  Not only for our denomination but others as well.  It seems that once you get into this 'pastor' role that you suddenly can't get your hands dirty.  That you have to have this clean, lily white front to show everyone.  Again, I say bullshit!

I think these pastors are afraid to get out there. They've forgotten, or maybe never really knew exactly what they got into this for in the first place.  Just why did God call you into ministry?  Just to look good on Sunday mornings, say a few words of grace, and then hide in this bubble the rest of the time?  Jesus was out in the streets, he was among the people, he wasn't hiding behind the walls of the Chula Vista.  And he certainly wasn't crying that he was a victim.

So I challenge all pastors, ordained or not.  Get some balls and get out there and do what Jesus has called you to do!  Forget this victimization, forget all this he said/she said crap, forget about keeping those hands clean.  Get out there and get dirty.

This Song's For You

It has been said that everlasting friends go long periods of time without speaking and never question the friendship. These friends pick up like they just spoke yesterday, regardless of how long it has been or how far away they live, and they don't hold grudges. They understand that life is busy and you will ALWAYS love them.

If I could write a song, it would be just like this.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CV3r8rDDmNs

It's a little bit funny, this feeling inside
I'm not one of those who can easily hide
I don't have much money, but boy if I did
I'd buy a big house where we both could live.
If I was a sculptor, but then again no
Or a man who makes potions in a traveling show
I know it's not much but it's the best I can do
My gift is my song and this one's for you.
And you can tell everybody, this is your song
It may be quite simple but, now that it's done
I hope you don't mind, I hope you don't mind,
That I put down the words
How wonderful life is while you're in the world.
I sat on the roof and kicked off the moss
Well a few of the verses
Well they've got me quite cross
But the suns been quite kind while I wrote this song
It's for people like you that keep it turned on.
So excuse me forgetting but these things I do
You see I've forgotten if they're green or they're blue
Anyway the thing is what I really mean
Yours are the sweetest eyes I've ever seen.
And you can tell everybody this is your song
It may be quite simple but now that it's done
I hope you don't mind, I hope you don't mind
That I put down the words
How wonderful life is while you're in the world.
I hope you don't mind, I hope you don't mind
That I put down the words
How wonderful life is while you're in the world.