Dreams, Blessings, Forgiveness

Well folks, it's been a very long time!  Time sure flies doesn't it?
This past week has been one of being terrified, answered prayers, God's grace, and God's blessings, and unimaginable dreams.
First, one of my dearest friends suffer what could have been a fatal heart attack.  I am very happy and pleased to say that God didn't this angle home yet.  He is recuperating well and is slated for a full recovery.  Praise God!!
Second, I have been blessed with having a new friend come into my life.  Someone who appreciates me for who I am, what I stand for, and what I believe in.  Someone who shares many if not most of the same ideals I do.  Someone who genuinely cares about me in a way that no other has done before.  This could be a life changing thing for me.  Only the future will tell.
Thirdly, I've always wondered what our dreams mean and if they really mean anything at all.  I've read that dreams hold the key to things that are on our minds or things that we just can't figure out.  Today I had one of those dreams that brings you out of a complete, restful sleep, holding a pillow and feeling like I was crying.  In the dream two of my aunts who I haven't talked to in a very long time came walking into a house where I was packing to move from.  Why they were there I have no idea.  Neither of them lives anywhere near here so it's highly unlikely they would come walking in.  As a matter fact, they don't even know where I live.  But when I saw the first aunt, all I do was hug her tightly and cry.  This is when I woke up hugging the pillow an:d shaking like I was crying.  Talk about being immediately awake!
So I got up, went straight to the computer and started searching.  I didn't know how to get in touch with this aunt.  But I felt this strong need to find her "right now" and call.  Luckily I was able to find her address and phone number and immediately called her.  She was surprised to hear my voice but very happy to hear from me.  We must have talked for a good hour.  Then she gave me the other aunt's number and I called her.  Again, total surprise to hear from me.  But what an awesome conversation.  Both aunts are doing well, but the second aunt's husband is now suffering from Alzheimers.
I don't know why the need was so great to find them, to get back in touch with them.  But I do strongly believe that God has His reasons I wasn't going to argue.  Maybe I will lose one of them in the near future, maybe not. But I am glad that I am now back in touch with them and don't intend to let us lose track of each other again.  We may live many miles and states apart, but we have telephones.
I guess the point of me sharing this story with you is that I read a blog post tonight from my dear friend Sandie (http://senselessramblingsoftheheart.blogspot.com) that talked about forgiveness.  I know I've harbored in my heart a long time the feeling that I had been abandoned by these women.  That ever since my mom passed away 28 years ago, I felt that they didn't feel that I was part of the family any more.  Oh I'd receive the ritualistic Christmas card with family letter in it, but never any phone calls or letters or cards otherwise.  And heaven forbid that they ever would actually come to visit me.  Not their poor (literally) niece.  I just didn't measure up to the standards they had set.
But that dream made me realize that time is too short to harbor such feelings.  I needed to forgive them for what I thought and felt they had done to me.  They have always been my aunts, are still my aunts, and always be my aunts.  They're family.  I love them.  So today, with just a smidgen of my time, and a couple phone calls, I was able to reconnect with them.  To begin rebuilding relationships.  We may not have 'forever' with each any more as it seemed years ago when I was young.  But we have today and hopefully tomorrow. Tonight I can go back to sleep with a good feeling in my heart.  A sense that I am still part of a family.
So if there's someone you've been harboring resentment towards whether they know it or not, someone who you need to forgive so you can move on, maybe reconnect with, make the effort.  Jesus tells us that the greatest commandment is 'love one another.'  It's just that simple.  LOVE.

Oh where or where has the moderator gone here?  Sorry folks, life has been incredibly crazy around here.  I promise to get back to writing here very soon.
Blessings to all.

A Little Behind in My Work

Just a little behind in my work. 

Will try to catch up tomorrow.

Until then...Have a great day!

When Words Hurt

As children we learn very quickly on that we don't have to hit, slap, or beat someone up to hurt them.  We learn that words can be quite powerful.  And sometimes words are more hurtful than anything physical we could possibly do to someone.  No matter how hard our parents try to teach us to be polite, to be kind, to be the kind of friend we want someone to be to us, inevitably there comes that time when we become the unfriendly one, the bully on the playground.

  One minute we are playing Hot Wheels or Barbies with our best friend and the next we're throwing out insults like nobody's business.  We aim perfectly, the goal is to bring tears to their eyes.  To make them want to run away from us so we can have all the fun ourselves.  Or at least that's what we think.  Sometimes they lash back at us with words we aren't expecting.  The next thing we know, we are the one who is crying or running away.  Bottom line, it's all about who is the strongest and most word worthy.  In the end we are both wounded, both sad, we don't know how to reconcile this situation so we run away.  Maybe tomorrow we'll be friends again and maybe we won't.  Sometimes words cut too deep.

 It's easy to tell our children we have a choice as to whether to accept the hurtful words we've been called, but it's much harder for them to accept our theory.  And we know this all to well.  How many times in our own lives have we been hurt by the words of others?  How deep were the wounds?  Did they heal or fester?  Did they cause us to become hateful in return?  

What would Jesus say or do?  Jesus knew all to well how much words hurt.  He knew all to well how deep they cut into your soul.  He knows that even if we choose to ignore the hurtful things that others say, they still hurt us.  Sometimes to the point that we start believing them.  Take the child who is raised in a home where he/she is constantly called names like stupid, worthless, no good, you'll never amount to anything.  When that's all you've heard all your life, how could possibly think any better of yourself?  How could you believe when the preacher says that you are a child of God, you are valuable, you are worthy?  

Many people never come to terms with a past such as this.  Some turn into little meek souls who do anything and everything to keep from rocking the boat.  They can't deal with conflict.  They crawl into their little safe place and are afraid to come out.  They can't live their lives.  Some grow up in a massive state of depression.  And the longer the depression weighs on their souls the worse it gets.  Some get to a point where they can't take it any more.  They give up.  They take their own lives.  Is that what Jesus wants for them?  Certainly not!  But through their clouded eyes all they can see are the tears.  All they can feel is the pain.  And it hurts, it hurts so bad.  

We have a choice, you and me.  We can choose to be the bully, to be the one on playground who thinks they have to be king of the hill.  We can be the conqueror.  Or we can be the person Jesus wants us to be.  We can be kind.  We can avoid saying those hurtful, nasty words to others.  Yes, as children we must learn to discern between what is the right thing to say and what is the wrong thing to say.  But as adults, as adults, we should already know this.  Already have a grip on our words and our actions.  We can choose to hate or we can choose to love.  We can choose to lead or we can choose to follow.  We can choose to be kind or to be the bully.

Whether it be through words or actions, what we display on the outside to others is what is on the inside.  Just because we've been hurt doesn't mean that we have to lash out at others.  What purpose do we think we're accomplishing if we do lash out?  Do we think it makes us superior?  Are we the winner because we won the war of the words?  NO, we aren't.  In reality we are the losers.  

So you make the choice today:  

  

Why Pastor’s Drink/Depression

If you want to know how well your sermon is going, just look at me and I’ll give you a thumbs up or a thumbs down.

Why did you pick that song?  You know nobody here knows it.  We don’t want to learn new songs.

You don’t sing loud enough.

We don’t think you’re tithing enough.

What do you mean we have to reimburse you for mileage?  Why can’t you just drive everywhere we want you to and you don’t need to get paid for it.

Why did you wear that robe?  Are you trying intimidate people?

Yah, it’s your office but it’s our church and we get to say how it’s decorated.

The parsonage, yes, you get to live there but we can come in whenever we want cause we own it.

We think you should make your sermons shorter, visit more people, volunteer more, and generally give more of yourself.

What do you mean we pay you a poverty level salary?  We pay you a decent wage. 

You can’t bring your child to church; he/she might disrupt the service.

All our troubles are your fault.  You better fix them or leave.

We aren’t paying for internet.  Just because the conference thinks they should communicate that way doesn’t mean we have to.  If they want you to get something they can send it in the mail just like we’ve always done.

It’s your job to do everything we want you to do.

You’re supposed to know what we need and what we want.

“I just don’t get that feeling.”  “What feeling are you looking for?”  “I don’t know, but I know I don’t get it.”

You ruined our church.

We’ve decided that you aren’t getting paid any more.

What do you mean you’re not going to be in charge of the youth group, the Sunday School, the Bible Studies, the choir, and all of our committees?  That’s your job!

How many pastors out there have heard had least some of the statements or questions above?  I would venture to say that most pastors, if not all of them, at some time in their career or throughout their career, have pretty much heard them all and more.

In some ways, pastors are like celebrities.  Once they give their life over to God, to serve Him in every way, and accept an appointment, their lives are no longer their own.  They are obligated to their churches, their members, their bosses, the conference they serve in, and the denomination they are a part of.  And if they’re married they are obligated to their spouse and children and families. 

No longer do they have the freedom to be themselves.  They are constantly on guard to show a person of perfection.  Are they perfect?  Of course not, though some will try.  They can’t just relax, let their hair down, and be any semblance of the person they once were.  If they do attempt to be, it must be behind closed curtains and closed doors.  They must hide themselves from the world around them.

Many clergy feel trapped by their calling.  Don’t get me wrong, they are called; they do want to serve God.  But the pressure they receive from members within churches can sometimes be unbearable.  Pastors are human.  They have feelings just like everyone else.  So what gives people the right to treat them as if they’re supposed to be better than God? 

When expectations become unrealistic, when we start to believe that we are failures because someone else says so, we begin that slippery slope that can lead to self- destruction.  Some become unable to function because of the stress.  Some become so filled with anger that no one can stand to be around them, especially the spouses.  Sometimes they take out all this stress on their spouses.  Sometimes they start making bad decisions.  Sometimes they turn to drugs.  Sometimes they turn to alcohol.  At the very worst, they become so depressed that they take their own lives.

Why would anyone want to be a pastor if they knew all these things before hand?  I’ll tell you why.  They become pastors because God has called them to be pastors.  The calling is so strong that they can’t ignore it no matter how hard they try.  Just like when God called Moses, he fought it tooth and nail, but God prevailed.  He tried to tell God that he was just some man who could in no way do what God was asking him to do.  God listened, but he also promised Moses that he would take care of him and his family.  He gave Moses the tools he needed to accomplish everything He wanted him to do. 

God gives all pastors the tools they need to accomplish His works.  But somewhere down the line we forget.  We hear too much negativity.  We are gossiped about.  We are torn down.  We are shredded.  Sometimes pastors just run.  They give up.  They break.  

Depression is very common among pastors.  Depression is a disease listed by the APA.  It affects 1 in 10 persons.  We are always telling people that they must have faith.  That through God they can have hope and love.  But what if the pastor “doesn’t have faith? Or hope? Or love?  What if life seems like a burden and nothing seems worthwhile? Does it mean we have left God behind?  Are we at fault?   And if we are despairing and sad, does it mean that we are sinning?   It afflicts Christians just as much as non-Christians. It happens to great saints and great sinners. And it can lead both to despair. It can make God feel so distant and cold that it feels like he isn’t there. It can make prayer a cold exercise. And worship a meaningless show. It can steal away the joy of life, and leave nothing but despair.” (Eric Nelson, 2011). 

Jesus says to us, “Come to me, all you that are weary and carrying heavy burdens and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me; for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”  Sometimes this is easier said than done.  We try and try but feel like we’re running in place.  We know Jesus carried his own burdens while here on earth and He carried ours to the cross.

So next time you see your pastor, see if you can’t just say ‘thank you.’  Include your pastor in your prayers each day.  They often need it more than anyone else.  They, like Christ, are taking your burdens on their shoulders.  No, they aren’t going to die on the cross for you, though some might be willing.  But they are fighting Satan every single day in God’s name for you, and me, and themselves.  Try to be understanding of them.  Try lending a helping hand.  But above all, pray for them and love them.    

If you read this post, I would appreciate any comments you may have.  Dialogue is very helpful.

I Don't Care

I just don’t understand this world any more.  People just don’t care…about anything!  They don’t care about each other, their homes, their jobs, their lives, their kids, or about Jesus.  What is happening?  Why are people like this?  Is the whole human race now being controlled by Satan or what?

I have so many questions.  My heart is breaking for so many people.  People putting their kids out on the street because they decide they’re too much trouble to care for or are more concerned about their current boyfriend/girlfriend than they are about their kids. 

People getting divorced because they just don’t want to be with that person any more, or the real reason, they aren’t willing to put in the work a marriage takes.  They don’t care how it affects the children.

Matthew  14:13-21 is the famous story of how Jesus fed the 5,000 with only 5 loaves of bread and 2 fish.  But it starts out telling us that Jesus had just found out about his friends death.  He wanted to get away, to pray and grieve.  But as always, the people were there and had needs that they wanted him to take care of. And because he had such compassion for the people, he came back to them and filled their needs.  He ignored his own need to help them.

Isn’t that what we’re supposed to be doing?  I understand that there are many times when we feel like we just don’t have any more energy for anything or anyone, but God’s strength is enough.  It’s enough to fill us with what we need to get the job done. 

I just pray that some day soon our world realizes that kindness, love, and God’s way is the road less traveled but it is the right way. 

So tonight, I will leave you with this:  I DO CARE.  I DO WANT TO HELP OTHERS.  I DO HAVE THE ENERGY TO DO THE WORK.  I hope you do too.  God Bless you all.

If Tomorrow Never Comes

Does the thought ever cross your mind 'what if I never wake up in the morning?'  Sometimes I think about this a lot.  What if...I didn't do everything I was supposed to do?  What if...I left things undone?  What if...I've left things unsaid?  What if...I haven't told the person I love that I love them?

I'm always worried that I haven't told my friends or family enough how much I love them.  What if they don't know how I feel?  What if I haven't shown them how much I love them?  Have I done and said enough?  Will they know?  Will they remember?

Or did I miss the chance?  Did I let time go by just assuming they knew?    Did I take them for granted?  Did I take the opportunity when it was given to me?  Did I love all I could love?  Did I give all I could give?  Did I take the chance or miss the dance for fear of the pain that could come?
  
I don't want to have regrets.  I don't want my love questioned.  I don't want to leave this world with you wondering?  I want you to know, I love you.  I love you.  I love you.  Forever and ever I will always love you.  You mean more to me than words can say.  I love you.